Uncovering the Art of Influence: The Secrets of Leadership and Persuasion Among Peers
Kali knew accepting her first management role would be challenging, but she never expected that the thing that was giving her the most difficulty and keeping her up at night had little to do with managing and leading people.
She struggled with her colleague managers with whom she needed to establish healthy working relationships, negotiate frequently and exert influence. Influencing her peers was proving to be particularly difficult. You may have experienced this as well.
Bringing your influence to bear as a manager with staff can be done by leaning on your formal authority. Yet many leaders and managers, rightly so, would rather influence direct reports without having to resort to reminding folks that they outrank them on the organizational chart.
But what about trying to sway and convince your peers when flexing formal authority isn’t an option? Given that middle managers don’t want to resort too often to use the chain of command, i.e. I speak to my boss, who speaks to your boss, who speaks to you to influence your position. Here are a few ideas on how to hold sway with peers:
It begins with gaining people’s attention
Vanessa Bohns, in her 2021 book You Have More Influence Than You Think: How We Underestimate Our Power of Persuasion, and Why It Matters, reminds us that influencing others begins by getting their attention. Here’s the good news: we are built to notice others and consider what others think. You probably don’t have to jump up and down waving your arms; you simply need to show up in all the right places, be present and have something to say or, more to the point, have a concise argument and a clear ask.
Understand that people generally want to say yes
Researchers agree that humans, for the most part, are predisposed to agree, comply and go along. Yet we convince ourselves and psych ourselves out that whatever we want to ask for, negotiate, or persuade will be met with intransigence and a refusal. Reminding ourselves that people are generally inclined to be supportive and saying no or not being supportive of your ideas is less appealing and more difficult for others can give us a boost, compel us to at least try, and ultimately make us more persuasive.
Always speak to the why
Given that we cannot always rely on others buying our arguments hook, line, and sinker just because we asked, we are well advised to understand what persuades others. Psychologist and academic Robert Cialdini’s seminal book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion reminds us that others are most likely to be swayed by, among other factors, whether we can assemble a compelling reason why someone should be persuaded. Ideally, these reasons go well beyond “it’s the right thing to do” and speak to the why from many angles, supported by facts and evidence and from the perspective of many different stakeholders. Underlining what’s in it for the other party and appealing to the heart and the head also warrants our attention.
Prepare the terrain ahead of time
My friend and colleague Françoise Roy, founder of Solva Stratégie + Leadership, a former senior executive and master strategic communicator who now expertly coaches women leaders, reminds us to work diligently behind the scenes when seeking to influence and persuade. She reminds us to influence strategically by persistently and deliberately planting key messages, making compelling arguments and giving the people we want to persuade a heads up one to one well ahead of when we need to get them on board in a meeting or more public setting.
Stay on top of your negotiation skills
A mentor of mine (and to so many others), Halifax-based psychologist and author of Seven Strategies of Master Negotiators, the late Dr. Brad McRae, masterfully trained and spoke to tens if not hundreds of thousands of people on being better negotiators.
He told me repeatedly that the most crucial training any new leader and manager needed was critical thinking, communication (including top-notch presentation skills) and negotiation. He said that whether you are negotiating with your neighbour for where the fence post should go between your two properties, negotiating with your teenager (good luck!) or in the high-risk world of labour negotiations, intergovernmental agreements, peace talks or hostage negotiations, you’ll benefit from a sound approach, a step-by-step method, and world-class preparation.
I believe Brad would approve of Canadian Mark Raffan, aka the Negotiations Ninja, with the world’s leading negotiation podcast and the bestselling work of Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It.
Know that words matter
Jonah Berger, a professor at the Wharton School and the internationally bestselling author of the 2023 book Magic Words, What to Say to Get Your Way, reminds us that word choices can increase the likelihood of being persuasive and influential.
Lower likelihood Higher likelihood
I feel like…. In my opinion…
It seems to me…. I believe…
I would guess…. It looks to me like…
I'm not sure if…. I would argue…
As the old and often-quoted saying goes, “What managers focus on gets better.” Kali (not her real name, by the way) has been experimenting with several tactics to become more influential with her peer managers. She would tell you she still has work to do. Word has it she continues to build and maintain positive relationships while becoming more persuasive, more influential and a formidable negotiator, including with her teenage children.